Touchpoints

"Where are you from?" I asked.

She stood silent, her onyx eyes fluttering for just a moment, trying to avoid mine. She hesitated to speak before asking, "What do you mean? I am American." I saw her uncertainty, and something in me pressed forward. "Yes, I am too," I offered, "but I was born South African, of Indian descent. And you?" I saw her lift her face, and I could see without a shadow of doubt her reluctance to reveal her secret truth. But suddenly, she straightened her back, looked me squarely in the face and said, "I am Mexican."

Later that day, as we spent more time together, this beautiful, hardworking and compassionate soul divulged to me the shame she carries. The people she loves and serves daily in her work are the same ones who have villainized her heritage with their sly, sarcastic comments and harsh slang.

Each day, we are presented with touchpoints. According to Harvard Business Review, a "touchpoint" is an interaction with another person, a couple of people, or a group that can last a couple of minutes, a couple of hours, or a couple of days. Every touchpoint is spring-loaded with possibilities. Each one can build – or break – a relationship.

One recent question opened a particular touchpoint that affected my life irrevocably. I am familiar with the shame I sensed from the remarkable woman I mentioned earlier. In fact, I have experienced it. I remember several instances when my parents lived here in Cleveland, Tennessee, while my father was attending graduate school. We were approached many times by people asking which hotel my father worked in. People would often ask if our last name was Patel and if we owned a gas station or a motel in town. These questions, however innocuous, brought back memories of prejudice and stereotyping. They made me want to forget my heritage and just blend in.

Questions...

Nurses throughout the country begin their day by asking their patients questions. One of the most frequent is: "How is your pain?"

The response to that one question – if the nurse is open and willing to listen – can be the difference between saving or losing a life.

Touchpoints in life are made up of great questions – and the willingness to listen to their answers. Who knows? Maybe your question could actually change or save a life.