Win or Learn

"In life, there is a winner, and there is loser. Which one are you?"

I have heard these words many times; however, I recently heard my husband offer a different perspective as he was coaching our daughter while she played tennis. He said, "Ellie, instead of win or lose, think of sports and life as win or learn. Even when you don't win, you can learn and improve, both in tennis and in life."

The disappointment and hurt that come from lost opportunity, mistakes made, and dreams crushed are very difficult to process. It's a gut punch that lingers like a bad gastric virus, and even though you may wish for the feeling to pass quickly, the remnants of failure remain.

When households, organizations, and individuals experience failure, we always look to place blame. We tend to blame ourselves or blame others. Many times, fear, anxiety, anger, and guilt follow blame like close cousins. When these emotions come into play, we don't usually think of "learning" from the experience.

I recently watched while a young lady earnestly tried to please a customer at a local restaurant. Each time the customer was displeased and intently pointed out the server's mistakes, the young lady bit her bottom lip and walked away, only to return again and try to please the customer. But each time she returned, the customer critically pointed out her flaws once more with an elevated tone that kept rising one or two octaves. Finally, I heard the server whisper to her manager, expressing her frustration with the irascible customer. Learning through failure is only cultivated in psychologically safe environments. The courage to confront our own and other imperfections is crucial in solving problems.

Those that catch, correct, and learn from failure will ultimately succeed. Those who don't "learn from losing" will not improve themselves, and they may repeat their mistakes in the future. The "win or learn" mindset is a much more positive and productive paradigm. Try it!